please bare with me as I vomit out my thoughts here.
Hi lovelies, it's been a while.
I'm always appearing here whenever my life is in shambles and I can't find another coping mechanism. I really hate being in a slump I swear, but every few weeks just when I feel like I made a step forward, something pushes me 5 steps back and I see myself falling back again and again.
To be completely honest, I haven't felt like myself in years and I've had this feeling for quite some time already. I'm dealing with a lot of problems that I can't seem to fix myself or can't seem to share to any Tom, Dick or Harry and truthfully, it's been affecting me really bad. I even contemplated talking to professionals but the fees were just too exorbitant and I figured that money could have been better utilised somewhere else. Hence, the depletion in the self-care and mental health department.
Everyday's the same old routine and I don't have the power to change or alter it. Most days I feel like I'm disconnected from the outside world and I use social media to connect virtually but god, social media, I love you but I hate you at the same time.
Over the past couple of years, I've come to realise that I'm not appreciated for my efforts and I've also become someone who's pretty forgettable. Honestly I am not asking for standing ovations but just basic courtesy, respect and decency. Anyhoo, I've been told to forget about the past, also discounting the fact that I was hurt by these encounters, but I guess it's okay it's not valid.
I'm still quite thankful that even with everything that I have to go through alone, I do have a small support system – be it to distract me from my problems, be my listening ear, feed me with good food and boost my morale. I just want to end this off by saying that I know today's been a tough day for me (hence all this jumbled up thoughts) but I'm hoping for better days. (tl;dr: it's been a mentally, physically and emotionally tiring day for me and I've bottled up my feelings too much. I am feeling better now.)
Bye.
