Your world comes crashing down instantly. You don't feel like breathing anymore. All hope you used to have goes down the drain. You just find yourself in a deep, dark tunnel. Nothing is ever it seems now. Your emotions goes haywire and your judgement gets clouded. You grasp tightly the memories and moments you shared with this person, but that's all you have left. Someone who used to occupy a fraction of your heart now doesn't even exist. Life feels incomplete without them in the picture & you often find yourself seeking solace in crying. 

Couple months back, I felt like this. Hopeless, worthless & vulnerable. I made the decision to cut off ties with someone because it was for the best for the both of us. I kept questioning myself if it was the right call to do, and I contemplated for weeks. My whole world shattered and I thought I wasn't able to bring myself up again. I used to share so many things with this person  - shared dreams, hopes and aspirations for the future - and to know that this person wouldn't be experiencing it with me sucks a lot. 

It wasn't easy going through that kind of traumatic experience. On some nights, I find myself reminiscing the fun times we used to share but then I pushed all of it away because sadly, the bad times outweighed the good times. Sadness overwhelmed me but I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I didn't want to be treated poorly anymore and I knew I needed to do something for myself. 

So then, I began reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and I needed to accept the fact that things went this way. I also told myself that better things will come my way - we lose something, we gain something better in return. If losing someone meant being shown something else, then why not? Most days, it's easy to feel okay but sometimes, you can't help but feel a little bit down for a while. 

My point being - time heals everything. Take lots of time, rediscover yourself and plan time wisely now. It's never easy to recover from something like this but eventually, we'll be alright. It's completely okay to feel sad once in a while because everyone deserves the right to feel.

You must also remember to stay positive despite the downhill of events. Surround yourself with nothing but positivism. If flowers make you happy, get a whole bouquet for yourself and fill your room up with those beautiful flowers. If surrounding yourself with your best friends make you happy, talk and meet up with them, spend more time with them. Do whatever that makes you happy because ultimately, your own happiness should be your top priority.

Last but not least, always remember that you're never alone and there's always someone out there who is experiencing the same situation as you.

I'm trying every single day to be a better person and to discover myself again. Adulthood just started and I still have a long way to go, god willing. I hope to widen my horizons, live my dreams and do things that I didn't have the guts to do so before.

I felt like I needed to write this all out because 1) I know there are hurting hearts out there, mine included, 2) I needed closure for myself and writing it all out helps me in some way.

Till the next time.
With love x