Goodbye 2022. 

If there's any phrase to describe 2022, it has been life-changing.

After such a long time, I'm finally happy.

& I pray to God that it stays that way or even better.

I've lost a lot along the way, but I've never regretted following my heart and my instincts. 

I've experienced first hand how people completely turn their backs away but it's alright. 

There's this stinging feeling when I was browsing my phone gallery to see what I've done over the year. 

The feelings of abandonment, abuse, despair, and disappointment is something that I wish no one would ever feel at all. 

Keeping this chapter of my life closed – along with the negative emotions, people, and situations.

Truly blessed that I made it out sane after the whirlwind 2022 offered me. 

& I am ready to take on the new year with my loved ones, creating more memories, and building myself again. 

with love. 

 

please bare with me as I vomit out my thoughts here. 

Hi lovelies, it's been a while. 

I'm always appearing here whenever my life is in shambles and I can't find another coping mechanism. I really hate being in a slump I swear, but every few weeks just when I feel like I made a step forward, something pushes me 5 steps back and I see myself falling back again and again. 

To be completely honest, I haven't felt like myself in years and I've had this feeling for quite some time already. I'm dealing with a lot of problems that I can't seem to fix myself or can't seem to share to any Tom, Dick or Harry and truthfully, it's been affecting me really bad. I even contemplated talking to professionals but the fees were just too exorbitant and I figured that money could have been better utilised somewhere else. Hence, the depletion in the self-care and mental health department. 

Everyday's the same old routine and I don't have the power to change or alter it. Most days I feel like I'm disconnected from the outside world and I use social media to connect virtually but god, social media, I love you but I hate you at the same time. 

Over the past couple of years, I've come to realise that I'm not appreciated for my efforts and I've also become someone who's pretty forgettable. Honestly I am not asking for standing ovations but just basic courtesy, respect and decency. Anyhoo, I've been told to forget about the past, also discounting the fact that I was hurt by these encounters, but I guess it's okay it's not valid. 

I'm still quite thankful that even with everything that I have to go through alone, I do have a small support system – be it to distract me from my problems, be my listening ear, feed me with good food and boost my morale. I just want to end this off by saying that I know today's been a tough day for me (hence all this jumbled up thoughts) but I'm hoping for better days. (tl;dr: it's been a mentally, physically and emotionally tiring day for me and I've bottled up my feelings too much. I am feeling better now.) 

Bye. 

I think the word love has lost its meaning. Love isn't supposed to be measured using expensive gifts and expensive dates. Creating pointless relationship goals just because you feel the need to express that to your partner, hoping that he or she'll get the hints. No, love comes from within and it comes in little surprises. Small gestures, like sending you back home even when it's out of his way to do so, asking about your day, motivating the other person to do their very best when in deep waters.

Chanced upon this in my tumblr drafts and I'm sure I wrote this back in 2016, I guess. Couldn't really decipher without a proper timestamp, but I thought of sharing this here. Though I am not in the same space as I was back then, it could still be relatable.

Still can't wrap my head around the fact that we'll be welcoming a new decade in a couple of hours' time. Twelve months passed and it's very easy for me to say that this year was a rather stagnant year for me. Scrolling through Instagram and looking at everyone share the successes they had this year makes me determined to make 2020 a better year for myself.

No doubt, I risked a stable career to take on a different path for myself in hopes of upgrading the skills that I have. Kind of blew in my face, not because I failed miserably in the field, the environment I landed myself in wasn't as productive or progressive as I wished it would, despite all the empty promises they made. Leaving empty-handed, I found the light at the end of the tunnel as I successfully completed my one-year specialist diploma course.

To be frank, juggling work, night studies (and at that point of time, dating) was really tough at first as I find myself burning out ever so frequently. This happened during early 2018 - early 2019, so there were a couple of events that happened before I met R. Alhamdulillah, things worked well eventually for me as I reduced my burdens and focused on more important things in my life. Alas, after a year of hustling, I completed my specialist diploma.

With this newfound confidence, I mustered all my courage to apply for jobs that are out of my comfort zone and after much waiting,  I managed to find an environment that is willing to guide me and allow me room for progress. Another high for me this year was my love life - it's true when they say it's worth the wait. He's one funny guy and always have tricks up his sleeves. It's not always rainbows and sunshine when it comes to us, but we always tell ourselves to talk our problems through, no matter how much it could hurt the other person. It's been a year with him and I'm proud of where we are right now and wishing for bigger milestones in the next year.

Probably another good thing that happened to me was getting  my first 10K views on my youtube video! Guess all that editing and lilit was not in vain at all. You can watch my video below, I've added it here for ease, and while you're at it, do like and subscribe to see more of my videos #selfpromo #nohate


I'm pointing out the highs I've had this year but I'd have to admit there are more lows than highs. Will not discredit the lows because it helped me grow into a better person, I hope.

With the new year, I truly wish that everyone finds their happy ever after and experience more amazing memories with the people they love. Written a couple of goals for myself for the new year and I hope that at the end of 2020, I'd be able to look into the planner and cross out every single goal.